George Saunders, Stephen Toblowsky and Me

There are two kinds of people in the world, and I have been all of them. Infantile and wise. Majestic and wretched. Crestfallen and elated. Gracious and a horse’s ass. I have been these people and many, many more.

As a writer, this duplicity or plurality of being is important on many levels. Obviously, it's the name of my blog—Two Kinds of People (or 2KoP). I find that it’s a perfect vantage point from which to explore a whole variety of subjects in my writing—a sort of literary springboard.

I’m a self-admitted public radio (NPR) junkie, and two recent interviews have generated some writerly “ah-ha” moments that have made me understand that my interest in “Two Kinds of People” has something to offer all writers … read more on Write It Sideways.

[This post was originally published on Write It Sideways on March 25, 2013.]

Steubenville and (Post) Feminism

feminism (noun)

the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power, and opportunities as men and be treated in the same way, or the set of activities intended to achieve this state.

There are two kind of people in the world: those who understand that rape is a crime, and those who make excuses for it. A couple of years ago, Forbes ran a post called "Who's Afraid of Post-feminism?" by Jenna Goudreau. After listening to and reading about the Steubenville rape and subsequent trial and conviction, I have to say that I'm not too happy to be living in post-feminist world, a world where a young female victim is still being blamed for the crimes committed against her by young men.

I am shocked that those boys and their friends thought it was OK to use new media to further victimize this young woman. I am shocked that traditional media further violated her by revealing her name and calling the conviction of the young men "a tragedy."

In the mid seventies, at the height of the modern feminism movement, the Take Back the Night (TBTN) movement began as stand against sexual violence. I know a young woman whose greatest fear is of being raped. She lives near a college campus and, in a sad irony, her terror began when she first heard students participating in a TBTN event as a young girl. Each year, as she heard the marchers protesting continued sexual violence in her own neighborhood, and realized that women were simply not safe—she was not safe.

And she's right.

Those young men in Stubenville shared their crimes across the interwebs and others participated, passing along appalling photos of the crime in process and adding lurid comments. No one called a halt. No one turned the Tweets over to the police or even to an adult who could intervene. That's a tragedy and, to my mind, a crime.

Until and unless we reach a point where women can make personal choices (good, bad or indifferent) and still be safe from sexual assault, until we stop hiding behind "boys will be boys" and victim blaming, then I'm revoking the "post" from post-feminism.

In 2009, Rebecca Whisnant wrote an essay called "Feminist Perspectives on Rape", found in the The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. She concludes:

"Feminist theorizing about rape draws on a rich tradition of feminist scholarship in many disciplines, as well as on women's insights into their own rape experiences and on the knowledge gained through decades of feminist anti-violence activism. As such theorizing continues to develop—growing both more radical in its challenges to patriarchal social and sexual assumptions, and more global and intersectional in its analysis—it constitutes an essential support for feminist movements against sexual violence."

When it comes to rape, there can be nothing "post" about feminism. When it comes to rape, we must all be feminists. Our feminism must become more radical in its challenges against sexual violence. Feminism is not a dirty word. Feminism is not a crime. Rape is.

So go ahead, call me a feminist. I can take it. How about you?

photo credit: Slutwalk NYC October 2011 Shankbone 28 by David Shankbone via a Creative Commons License

Sleepless in Chicago

You have to admit, Papa sleeping in a chair makes a good napping place for baby Molly.

There are two three kinds of people in the world: side sleepers (fetal or semi-fetal position), back sleepers (supine or royal position), and stomach sleepers (prone position). Unless, of course, you happen to be my dad (see photo), in which case your favorite sleeping position is in a chair, head thrown back and snoring loudly, or chin slumped to chest (usually going back and forth between the two).

Best practices in pediatrics these days say to put infants to sleep on their backs. According to the National Institute of Child Health's public information campaign called "Safe to Sleep" (formerly "Back to Sleep"), putting infants to sleep on their backs significantly reduces the incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

This is great news for parents and babies of the 21st Century, but it comes decades too late for me. I was born when pediatric best practices said to put babies to sleep on their stomachs, so I am and always have been a stomach sleeper. This is more than you really need to know about me, but I bring it up because I have been told stop sleeping on my stomach.

I won't bore you with the medical reasons, but I will ask for your help. Except during pregnancy, I have always slept on my stomach. And while meeting my newborns was a joy beyond measure, being able to sleep on my stomach again was a very close second.

For years we were told it takes 21 days to break a bad habit or start a good one. I've never believed that statistic, and more recent research says the it really takes between 18 and 254 days, depending on your level of commitment and other factors. But even on the far end of that scale, the change happens only when you're making a conscious choice to change. Literally conscious—you are awake and alert and choosing to make a change. Here's my question: how do you change a habit when you are unconscious, i.e., asleep?

I'm doing everything I've been told to do to try to become a side sleeper (I'll never be able to sleep on my back, which is a good thing because it would probably involve snoring). I use one kind of pillow under my head, and sleep with another pillow between my knees, and a third in front of my chest to support the "upper" arm. But I'm still confused. What am I supposed to do with that "bottom" arm? Do I stick it under my head? Shove it down under the side pillow next to the "upper" arm? Nothing is working.

Shifting positions is problematic with all those pillows, too, not to mention disruptive to my husband's sleep. I've also been having even crazier dreams than usual, adding to my general feeling of exhaustion. If you have a suggestion, please let me know in the comments. I don't think I can last 254 days.

Have you ever had to change your sleeping habits? Or any other habit? Leave a comment if you have a good tip.

Wordless Wednesday #16: Come Sail Away with Me?

Wordless Wednesday. Three choices.

1. Tell me what Two Kinds of People this photo represents  ("There are two kinds of people in the world: … .") 
2. Writing prompt for your own post, or just add a poem/short piece in the comments. To repost the photo, include ©201e Susan Bearman @Two Kinds of People). 
3. Email your own 2KoP Wordless Wednesday graphic to share on an upcoming Wednesday.

P.S. The Fourth Annual Two Kinds of People Essay Contest is coming soon. Stay tuned.

My Next Big Thing

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who blog hop and those who will just skip the whole thing. There are plenty of bloggy memes out there in the guise of awards and such, where you answer silly questions about yourself, but this one seemed a bit different (or maybe it just hit me at the right time).

I was tagged by Nancy Hinchliff and asked to participate in the My Next Big Thing blog hop. It's a chance to talk about my big project and learn about interesting things that other creative people are pursing. Here are the 10 questions I was asked to address, followed by some other Big Things by talented people I know.

1. What is the working title of your book or project?
I am currently moving from the production phase to the marketing phase of my biggest undertaking to date, the Animal Store Alphabet Book.

2. Where did the idea come from for the book or project?
I'd been noodling around for a self-publishing project, and my friend Karen Gray-Keeler proposed that I write a book about animals or my husband's pet shop. I was already doing a lot of writing about animals and, at first, this didn't appeal. But I had Kenn bring home a list of all the animals in his store and discovered he had at least one animal for every letter of the alphabet. Lightbulb moment, and a new idea for an ABC book was born.

3. What genre does it fall under, if any?
This is a picture book geared for ages 4-8, and pet and animal lovers of all ages. It's at the printer and you can order your copy now!

4. If applicable, who would you choose to play your characters in a movie?
Don't know that it would or could be made into a movie, but Kenn has provided lots of animals and props for movies and TV shows out of the real The Animal Store. We have created a read-along video version of the book for our Kickstarter backers, beautifully narrated by the talented Mary Beth Schaye, who will definitely play herself in the movie (and is available for modeling gigs as well as voice overs; contact me for more info.)

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your manuscript or project?
We conducted a successful $10,000 Kickstarter campaign to fund the printing of a gorgeous 32-page full-color, hard-cover picture book about the familiar and strange animals people keep as pets.

6. Will your book or story be self-published or represented by an agency?
Our book is self-published and being printed as you read this. We have also created a variety of companion products, including a coloring/activity book, a poster, 12"x12" canvas prints, an embroidered book bag, and a read-along video version of the book.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
That's hard to say, since I was working on so many different aspects of the project all at the same time. It took about a year to complete the manuscript, but so much else was accomplished along the way.

8. What other book or stories would you compare this story to within the genre?
There are so many great picture books and alphabet books out there. My favorite alphabet book is A is for Annabelle by Tasha Tudor, and in some ways, this book is like that in that it has a similar style of verse. While unique unto themselves, Rebecca Hamlin's beautiful illustrations for our book remind me somewhat of a cross between the vibrant colors of Eric Carle's animal books and the details of Graeme Base's Animalia. (I doubt Rebecca would make the same comparisons.)

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book or story?
I answered most of this up there in question 2, but I'd like to add that collaborating with Rebecca Hamlin on this project has been an amazing experience. Most children's book authors don't ever even get to meet their illustrators, let alone collaborate closely with them. This has been a true and fruitful partnership from the start. Rebecca's talents are beyond measure, I have have come to experience first hand how words and pictures can fuse into a whole much greater than the sum of its parts. We have also enjoyed the help of many other talented folks along the way, including but not limited to: Ed, Steve, Tess, Mary Beth, Judi, Ann and Molly, and my own personal cheerleader, Sarah. I'm grateful to all of you.

10. What else about the book or story might pique the reader’s interest? 
It's gorgeous, fun to read, a perfect bedtime story, a wonderful gift, and a must for every family's bookshelf (she said humbly). It is also the product of a Kickstarter campaign, an entirely new way of funding creative projects. It represents the cutting edge of publishing today—crowd funded and professionally produced by people with passion.

In the next several days, I will post other projects from other creative folks who are participating in this blog hop. Check out their sites, as well as Nancy's, and keep things hopping. These are some really good writers, so don't miss them.

12/5: Norine Dworking-McDaniel:  The book-to-be is a collection of essays from by blog Don't Put Lizards In Your Ears about my being a late in life mom, done "snap-shot style" a la "Shit My Dad Says".

12/6: Kathy Mirkin: Kathy Mirkin's book Posie Pipkin is Not Doomed to be a Duck is about one girl's funny desire to become the star dancer in her ballet school's annual recital, even though she'd rather be goofing around with her friends than practicing ( ages 7 to 10). You can read Kathy's blog here.

Shari Brady: Wish I Could Have Said Goodbye is a story about Carmella D'Agostino, an average sixteen-year-old girl who is faced with coming to terms with her older sister's accidental drug overdose and death. Through Carmella's eyes, we witness the courage and strength it takes for her and her family to overcome their grief and guilt.

Christine Wolf: Christine's manuscript is called My Life Afloat—With her parents both out of work, the anchors of Maeve's "normal" life come undone. Riding the waves of her family's private shame, 12-year-old Maeve tries to save the family from sinking, even as their ship heads toward catastrophe. Christine blogs at My Live Afloat on her website and Riding the Waves on Chicago Now.

Wordless Wednesday #15: Is it all uphill?

It's been a while since I posted a Wordless Wednesday photo, but I got a new camera for my birthday and recently took a fabulous trip and have cool pictures to share. Use this photo to:

1. Tell me comment what Two Kinds of People you think this photo represents  ("There are two kinds of people in the world: … .") 
2. Use it as a writing prompt for your own post, or just add a poem/short piece in the comments. You may repost the photo (please include ©2012 Susan Bearman @Two Kinds of People). 
3. Get bonus points if you can tell me where this photo was taken. Double bonus points if you can identify the movie in which this building appeared. 

Email your own 2KoP Wordless Wednesday graphic if you would like to share, and I'll post it some coming Wednesday.

One Step at a Time

In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. — Robert Heinlein 

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who set goals and those who fly by the seat of their pants. I've always been a pantser.

I know some writers plot out everything they write in advance, but not me. When I was in school and we were required to do outlines, I always wrote the outline after I wrote the paper. I just turned in the outline first. Other writers set daily word count goals, but my brain doesn't work that way. Ticking down the 50K words of NaNoWriMo can be a lot of fun, but most of the time word counts are just daily trivia that gets in my way.

Oh, sure, I have goals:

• Have children. (Check √√√√) 
• Write. 
• Get people to read my writing. 
• Get my books published. 
• Spend six months a year living and writing in Italy.
• Become rich and famous. 

It wasn't until I started my Kickstarter that I finally began to understand the most important part of that Heinlein quote: "clearly-defined goals". I definitely didn't have those.

Goals are fine, but only if they're supported by a plan. For example, I always knew I wanted to have children. It took some doing to get ours here happy and healthy. But beyond that initial success, I failed to define my goals clearly, so now I'm dealing with questions like:

• How long do you actually have to feed them? And must they eat every day? 
• How (and why) do boys turn a clean bathroom into a total disaster in less than five minutes? 
• Will my teenagers drive me completely batty before they come of age? 
• What's wrong with flood pants? I just bought those for you last week. 
• What is the exit strategy? Will they ever move out and live on their own? 

So when we decided to run a Kickstarter campaign, I knew we needed goals and a plan. My brother helped me develop a detailed (21-page) business plan before we began our campaign. I should have consulted him before we had children.

I've always been terrified of the idea of being a salesperson. The threat of having to meet quotas scared me right down to my toenails. As we worked on our Kickstarter business plan, my brother tried to convince me that quotas work in favor of salespeople, because they will do anything and everything to make that goal. If it takes 100 phone calls to get five orders, and your goal is 50 orders, it stands to reason that you need to make 1,000 phone calls. Simple math. Terrifying numbers (at least to me).

Once we researched our vendors and knew where the price points fell and figured out how much money we needed to raise to do what we wanted to do, the plan came together: $10,000 in 31 days. Right from the start that goal seemed both completely doable and utterly impossible. But it worked. On day 30, we made our goal (thanks so much to everyone who contributed).

It was miraculous to see how closely the daily results mirrored our plan. If we had drawn a growth chart for the business plan, it would have looked identical to the chart of our pledges. I couldn't believe it. We made a plan and it worked … exactly as we planned it.

That was (almost) as big a success as actually making our goal and getting to publish our book. It has completely changed the way this pantser is approaching life and business these days. Now I'm looking over those vaguely worded goals I mentioned earlier and trying to find ways to define them more clearly:

Write. 

I do write. I write all the time. I'm probably writing too much. What do I really want to write? What projects are speaking to me? What writing do I need to do to help sustain our family? Which projects, if any, can I let go? Which project should take priority?

Get people to read my writing. 

Which people? You're reading this post. You totally count. How many readers will make me happy? How will I know who has read my work and whether they like it? (Comment below, and then I'll know.)

Get my books published. 

I have a lot of published writing. Most of it is online. Some of it is ghostwriting. I'm self-publishing the Animal Store Alphabet Book. Is that good enough? Do I need to be validated by being picked up by an agent? Will I only be happy if I am "traditionally" published? As Laura Munson once told me (as someone once told her), the only difference between being a published author and an unpublished author is that your book is published. You're the same you.

Spend six months a year living and writing in Italy. 

Really? I have been to Italy exactly twice, more than 20 years ago. For vacation. I have no idea what it would really be like to live and work there. I don't speak Italian, and haven't made an effort to learn it. So is this a goal or a fantasy? (Who are we kidding? It would be great to live in Italy for six months a year. Specifically here.

Become rich and famous. 

I have revised this last goal. I no longer have any interest in being famous, just rich. Still, what does that rich mean to me? Would being debt-free and living modestly be enough? If I could get my kids through college and into the world debt free, would that count? Would being able to do the Italy thing make me happy with my financial situation? I've always wanted a gardener. And a personal stylist. And a housekeeper/cook. But I could give up the gardener. And maybe the stylist. But not the cook! I definitely want the cook.

I have begun to understand that unless I clearly define my goals, I have no possibility of reaching them. Maybe the idea is to set smaller, realistic goals. Have big ideas, but smallish goals. Make the dream come true one step at time.

There is a caveat to the whole goal-setting thing. Once you set a goal and commit to it, you will do anything and everything to make that goal. That's the whole reason for setting goals, so perfect, right? Right, unless you have an obsessive-compulsive personality (as I do at times) and a family or other commitments. In that case, stock up on lots of frozen pizza, set a reasonable time-limit for reaching your goal, and tell your friends and family that you'll see them on the other side. If you're lucky, they'll still be there.

I do worry a bit about becoming a reformed pantser. The 12-step goal-setting program is starting to seep into other parts of my life. I feel an almost overwhelming need to make amends. Almost. I have a feeling that there will always be a bit of the pantser in me.

Goal-setter or pantser: which are you? Click here to leave a comment.