tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post2664502130912901355..comments2023-06-04T05:30:22.619-05:00Comments on Two Kinds of People: Teach a Man to FishSusan Bearmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14991968368214219371noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post-34620683505285378832011-07-31T21:08:56.364-05:002011-07-31T21:08:56.364-05:00I think the hardest thing about requiring enough i...I think the hardest thing about requiring enough is dealing with the whining that accompanies the requirement! All three of my boys are expected to put away their own clothes (the 2yo has help, the 4yo and 6yo do not) but I'd truly rather do it myself to save my ears the fussing/complaining/whining about how utterly unfair their life is (this mostly comes from the 6yo). <br /><br />That said, I keep reminding myself how very, very, very glad I am that they all know how to clean up their own toys...and it took time to get them there, too! :)<br /><br />I'm blessed to have two brothers who cook and clean quite effectively, and are often genuine servants around the house...having seen that, I have a pretty good idea of how I want my boys to turn out!Emily (Laundry and Lullabies)https://www.blogger.com/profile/16367630628716619991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post-7732670501985602782011-07-13T12:10:11.315-05:002011-07-13T12:10:11.315-05:00I do think that Linda is right, and at a certain p...I do think that Linda is right, and at a certain point we just have to let life step in and help. <br /><br />Since I'm a mom of boys, of course my example involves the bathroom. Up until the time my now 19-year old was 6 or so, he would ask me to come in the bathroom when he was finished and help him . . . clean. I didn't really think much about it. I'm the mom, right? <br /><br />Problem was, we had a small house with a bathroom door a little uncomfortably close to the dining room table. A friend was over for dinner once when this happened and we all just looked at each other for a fraction of an uncomfortable second. Then Friend, who had several years' more parenting experience than I did, said, "Don't worry about it. He'll be doing that himself by the time he goes on his first date." <br /><br />It was funny but excellent advice. We are always growing in our lives, and just because you lack a skill at 6 or 16 or 26, It seems you get it if you need it. <br /><br />But it is hard to let go and see them make mistakes. I'm with you on the laundry. I just refold it in secret.Maggiehttp://lifeinaskillet.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post-17441955417472503932011-07-12T21:40:02.076-05:002011-07-12T21:40:02.076-05:00Jenny — I don't know if you need to worry abou...Jenny — I don't know if you need to worry about your son's cooking skills. Teenage boys always seem able to feed themselves. My brother learned that if he could cook one thing well (preferably an appetizer or a dessert) then he would always be invited to dinner parties, where other people would feed him. Try that line on your son to get him started.<br /><br />On the other hand, if you could teach a to clean up after dinner, his future significant other will love you forever.<br /><br />And about reading your mind, my spies are everywhere.Susan Bearmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14991968368214219371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post-6664341785631576422011-07-12T21:36:35.649-05:002011-07-12T21:36:35.649-05:00You have again read my mind. (How do you keep doin...You have again read my mind. (How do you keep doing that?!)<br /><br />I was just kicking myself today over this very topic as it pertains to my son. He is a teenager with zero cooking skills & zero interest in learning any. And it's my fault, a direct result of my incorrect thought that it was easier (and safer) for me to handle all of the cooking. <br /><br />If only I could turn back time, he would be whipping up fabulous feasts, all ten fingers attached.Jennyhttps://twitter.com/#!/FickeyFictionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post-83844781702911057402011-07-12T20:43:30.018-05:002011-07-12T20:43:30.018-05:00Thanks for your thoughts, Linda. I've been rea...Thanks for your thoughts, Linda. I've been reading a lot of commentary that today's college students are unprepared for the "real" world, having been coached and supported, enabled and facilitated their entire lives. Reports are that they have no experience with failure and have difficulty making their own decisions. I guess sometimes experience isn't only the best teacher, it may be the only way we really learn how to stand on our own two feet.Susan Bearmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14991968368214219371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3009912368962227337.post-78115059785077301962011-07-12T20:31:15.643-05:002011-07-12T20:31:15.643-05:00Whoa! This is a hot topic. First let me say this a...Whoa! This is a hot topic. First let me say this about your son: life will be his teacher. I used to think my older son would never learn directions. We'd leave our home to go to Old Orchard, and he'd head for the lake! I was astounded! He didn't know east from west. I'd quiz him on street names (which he resented) trying to help him get a sense of his location -- where things were. One summer he and a friend just started driving driving driving -- all around -- just to talk. They learned the area inside out and backwards Then he went to Columbia College in the city and had to take the el. He can navigate that system far better than I! He just took his first independent trip to the West coast - rented a car (just turned 25) and made his way from Seattle to San Francisco. He learned it when he needed it.<br /><br />I'm more interested in the fine line between enabling and supporting. When are we SUPPORTING our kids -- helping them along in a complex world -- and when does that support become ENABLING--especially in younger years. All decent parents help kids at some level with homework--getting organized; helping them puzzle out a difficult assignment, encouraging; setting up systems that their young brains can't figure out. If they're struggling when do you let them fall on their face -- or does that make them discouraged and convinced they're "dumb" or "can't do it?" What if they have a learning disability? The answer isn't easy -- and there isn't a one-size fits all answer either. Encouraging independence is great, but no magic formula for how much when. No user manuel for parenting.Linda Gartzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00740477693031139484noreply@blogger.com